It does suck. So quit asking me that.

Sitting with my Grandmother and Mother at my Sister-in-law's bridal shower, I listened to who is now my Cousin-in-law recount how the fulfillment of finally finding the love of her life and getting married. She was very happy, you could see it all in her hand gestures and she was smiling and enthusiastically telling me just wait, he will show up. I just have to be patient. Yada. Later that day my Grandmother told my Mom she hoped I felt a little more at ease about being single and that maybe I had taken something from the fairy tale the future Cuzinlaw had just delivered. My Mom said probably not. Candace is 30 whereas that lady had gotten married for the first time up around the age of 47 or so. Nope, not comforted by that story at all, dude. Actually, feeling a little grim.

It does suck, this singleness. I'm alone and I don't want to be. I face the prospect of always being by myself. I face never having the traditional family that I want. I face never having children. I face never being loved. I face never having an intimate moment with someone special. I face a job and bills and birthday dinners with married friends. It's a little overwhelming. It is a lot overwhelming when people constantly point out the fact that I'm single.

Their questions start: So, why don't you have a man? Why are you still single? Do you have a boyfriend? Why aren't you married? etc.
Their questions continue: So, what are you doing wrong? Have you been out? What happened to that guy? Why haven't you [insert things I'm supposed to be doing to get a man but haven't done]? etc.
Their answers come: You aren't ready to accept love. You attract the wrong type of guys. You aren't [insert what I'm not doing right]. Let go and let God. etc.

I could ask people to stop asking, but someone else is going to meet me and wonder why I haven't got anyone. So, my standard answer has become "you tell me". Because I don't know. I'll give you a heads up. Most men I meet, and this is 99% of them, are only interested in having sex with me. This new culture of fucking every girl in the world has all but depleted my chances. Divorce is like a badge of honor. Babydaddies are rampant. Married/Shackedup/Attached prowlers are in abundance. Sure I've met a few guys who said something about that sounded a little like they might be looking for someone specialt, but they end up asking my favorite sexual position in the end. Red Flag rise.

Hey, I have a question. Why are you wondering why? I stopped.