and while i'm at it

Is that (singledom) by choice?

Well, I guess technically it is. I mighta coulda had somebody by now if I had settled on some of the wacker dudes in my past.

...like that dude that asked me if i had ever been hit because i seemed like the type that a dude would hit.

...like that dude that lived in a house in deep north richmond and shared a room with another grown man and had two other roommates, one of whom lived in the converted garage with his son.

...like that dude who lived with a chick who found me on facebook.

...like that dude who likes my booty but only in the summertime because he can't see the thighs when i wear winter clothes.

...like that dude whose dreads smelled like Newports. Breath smelled like old chicken.

...like that dude who said in his best talking to my child voice "Here comes the tickle monster."

...like that dude licked me IN my ear.

...like that dude that had the ittiest of the bittiest penis. (even smaller than that other itty bitty)

...like that dude that fixed his mouth to tell me "we planned to have a baby before we got married," then didn't get married. That dude also said they had sex plenty of times and she only got pregnant once.

...like that dude who had two babymammas. A 2 year old and a 4 year old. red flag rise.

...like that dude that just barely spoke english.

...like that dude that acted like the total complete ultimate asshole the last time I saw him. And I am so glad I'm over that.


Many have tried, the chosen are none. The chosen coulda been one of those aforementioned , but that would set me up for divorce on the grounds of adultery (or possible jailtime because I shot the mothergrabbing bastard that dared test my gangster). I could settle for the sake of.... but the danger in settling is abject failure.

I WILL cheat on a dude I am not completely in love with.

I WILL argue with a dude that says dumb shit ALL THE TIME.

I WILL abuse someone who talks to me like I am 5.

I WILL shoot a man if he hits me. Too squeamish for stabbing. But I will shoot you.

I WILL NOT communicate with a non-english speaker.

I CANNOT hear after a tongue has left a puddle of spit in my ear.

I WILL not wear my sexy summer shorts in November.

I WILL not willingly continue to see someone I know is married and/or shacked up. I saw and or because separated is NOT divorced.

I WILL become violently ill at the prospect of kissing my stankbreathed husband, possibly rolling over on his stankassed dreads.

SO, yeah, it is by choice I guess. There are a few that I wish would have fallen for the bait. But when I think about the 40 or so that got called back and the 60+ that didn't, I think I've made some sound decisions. Sure, most are probably good guys, just not good for me.

I'm trying to do this long term. and be happy. not annoyed. or ill or imprisoned.