***Warning. If you're a dude, you may want to stop reading right now. This is about periods. Or, maybe you can stomach the discussion. It's about to get real though.
As if just going to the bathroom in a public facility isn't harrowing enough, having to change what my husband affectionately calls "equipment" in a public facility is far more precarious. Leaving the house on your period is daring enough, but add to that the fact that you WILL be taking a trip to a bathroom somewhere outside of the comfort of your own home. I have my own preferred method of hovering over a combination of 3 layers of toilet seat cover and sometimes extra toilet paper. Just in case. Nordstrom and Saks have the best bathrooms. FYI.
Periods suck. Plain and simple. There are two times when you are glad about a period: when you were late and when it's over. Periods hurt any number of body parts: swollen boobs, lower back spasms, leg cramps, abdominal cramps, migraines. And it's blood, which is visible on any surface that isn't black. And it's a lot of blood, way more than you feel like you should lose on a regular basis, but maybe it's not as much as I feel like it is. But it's still a lot. I usually manage to convince myself that I'm bleeding to death but I haven't so far.
You have to check yourself periodically (no pun intended) to make sure you haven't bled through your clothes, onto your chair at work, the seat in the car, the sheets, the couch. You might have to carry extra underwear with you, depending on how heavy you're bleeding that day, or just go home and change. If you work 8 hours a day, you might go to the bathroom 8 times to change. I usually use an inordinate amount of toilet paper that week as well. You can never carry too many pads (or whatever you use), but you can be stuck empty handed. We've all dug a quarter up for the dispenser in the bathroom with pads the size of twin mattresses.
You learn how to sleep to avoid bleeding on the sheets, or you just say f*ck it and put a towel down. The ugly or ill fitting panties become the panties you willingly sacrifice to your period. Dark mourning colors for the week: long black skirts, black corduroy pants, big horrible sweatpants. I doubt anyone wears a thong while they are on their period. But hey, everyone has their preference. Wings might be the best thing that ever happened to pads, even though it's not a guarantee you won't go out of bounds. Panty liners are a joke even with wings.
I read an article about boobooing in public. It's the splash of the turds that's embarrassing. I understand, I drink coffee too. The noise of you ripping your pad out of your underwear and opening the new one is as embarrassing as boobooing in public. I don't want anyone to know I am bleeding just like I don't want anyone to know I had to booboo. And then there is the used rag box in the stall where we all are expected to throw these contraptions away. I shut my eyes while I'm disposing mine because not everyone wraps their disposables as tightly as I do. I've been unpleasantly surprised by the sight of old used rags (as my Dad refers to them) before. It's mind altering.
So anyway it's a burden. If you're a dude and you got through this without throwing up, high five. Your girl is having a bad day 3-7+ days in a row. She's having a bad day a few days before that too. She's just learned how to manage it. Believe me, there's a whole lot going on when Aunt Flo (or Cousin Dot. Monthly. Time of the Month. Menstruation. She's bleeding, a lot or a little bit, for about a week dude.
Other than that, womanhood is pretty great.
As if just going to the bathroom in a public facility isn't harrowing enough, having to change what my husband affectionately calls "equipment" in a public facility is far more precarious. Leaving the house on your period is daring enough, but add to that the fact that you WILL be taking a trip to a bathroom somewhere outside of the comfort of your own home. I have my own preferred method of hovering over a combination of 3 layers of toilet seat cover and sometimes extra toilet paper. Just in case. Nordstrom and Saks have the best bathrooms. FYI.
Periods suck. Plain and simple. There are two times when you are glad about a period: when you were late and when it's over. Periods hurt any number of body parts: swollen boobs, lower back spasms, leg cramps, abdominal cramps, migraines. And it's blood, which is visible on any surface that isn't black. And it's a lot of blood, way more than you feel like you should lose on a regular basis, but maybe it's not as much as I feel like it is. But it's still a lot. I usually manage to convince myself that I'm bleeding to death but I haven't so far.
You have to check yourself periodically (no pun intended) to make sure you haven't bled through your clothes, onto your chair at work, the seat in the car, the sheets, the couch. You might have to carry extra underwear with you, depending on how heavy you're bleeding that day, or just go home and change. If you work 8 hours a day, you might go to the bathroom 8 times to change. I usually use an inordinate amount of toilet paper that week as well. You can never carry too many pads (or whatever you use), but you can be stuck empty handed. We've all dug a quarter up for the dispenser in the bathroom with pads the size of twin mattresses.
You learn how to sleep to avoid bleeding on the sheets, or you just say f*ck it and put a towel down. The ugly or ill fitting panties become the panties you willingly sacrifice to your period. Dark mourning colors for the week: long black skirts, black corduroy pants, big horrible sweatpants. I doubt anyone wears a thong while they are on their period. But hey, everyone has their preference. Wings might be the best thing that ever happened to pads, even though it's not a guarantee you won't go out of bounds. Panty liners are a joke even with wings.
I read an article about boobooing in public. It's the splash of the turds that's embarrassing. I understand, I drink coffee too. The noise of you ripping your pad out of your underwear and opening the new one is as embarrassing as boobooing in public. I don't want anyone to know I am bleeding just like I don't want anyone to know I had to booboo. And then there is the used rag box in the stall where we all are expected to throw these contraptions away. I shut my eyes while I'm disposing mine because not everyone wraps their disposables as tightly as I do. I've been unpleasantly surprised by the sight of old used rags (as my Dad refers to them) before. It's mind altering.
So anyway it's a burden. If you're a dude and you got through this without throwing up, high five. Your girl is having a bad day 3-7+ days in a row. She's having a bad day a few days before that too. She's just learned how to manage it. Believe me, there's a whole lot going on when Aunt Flo (or Cousin Dot. Monthly. Time of the Month. Menstruation. She's bleeding, a lot or a little bit, for about a week dude.
Other than that, womanhood is pretty great.
Then there comes the time when a woman must have a hysterectomy. Your body chemistry if ovaries are still functioning and keep your cervix. Your body still goes through same wave of emotions, cramps, breast tenderness not realizing Aunt Flo is gone, gone forever. You look down nothing, you mentally adjust and say a silent prayer for all women. I have actuality with palms open looking down @ my Mons Pubis and said outloud Dude I'm trying to relax nothing is going to happen I have made 2 contributions to society. Please stop this madness when are you going to come to terms with this reality. My Lord does it ever end.
ReplyDeletedude, I swear I have been trying to figure a wonderful way of writing about this here bs that we call aunt flo/period. this shit hella f-ing sucks. Mine is here now and damnit that goodness for the therma patch heat packs that are menstral special. the only reason I slept last night. Now that I have been working out this mess seems to have gotten worse. aint this the blues. Not only am I retaining 7+ punds of water but I have to make the frequent trips to the bathroom. I often figure that it is on its way when my nice fitting jeans all of sudden begin feeling tighter than normal. then I check the calendar and realize damnit its that time again. Didnt we just do this?
ReplyDeleteboo for this .
thanks for writing what was on my mind. preciate you as always.